Parent Volunteers - Which Type Are You?

When it comes to parent volunteerism in kids' classrooms, schools, clubs, teams and organizations, there are two camps: Those parents who lend their time and talents, and those who do not.

And this is annoying. For both the superstar volunteer parents and the slacker parents alike.

On one hand you have the overworked moms and dads who are super tired from trying to fit in volunteering on committees, coaching teams, chaperoning field trips, room mothering and other activities. The perception is that all master volunteers are stay-at-home moms, but that is not true—it's personality style and desire. Many of the committed volunteers work full or part-time. Often these parents have big families. And lots and lots of obligations on their plates. They're pooped.

On the other hand you have parents who haven't had a chance to volunteer. Sometimes these shy parents are just waiting to be asked to lend a hand, drive a van full of booster seats to that field trip, bring cheese cut into star shapes to that class party. Ideally the new parents will say yes and have so much fun participating and being part of the community of involvement that they'll be wooed into voluneering again and again.

Other times the recruitment efforts are met with silence. Which annoys the already-over-taxed volunteers. And so they stop asking, since asking becomes just another task on their heavy to-do lists.  And then they are perceived as a clique of, as Rosalind Wiseman calls them, Queen Bee Moms and Kingpin Dads who run everything, making it tough and unwelcome for new and newly-interested parents to convert to the regular volunteer side.

(Disclaimer: Of course there are parents unable to volunteer because they just brought home a new baby or adopted a child. They have health concerns. They are single or flying solo. They are unemployed and looking for a job. They are in the process of moving.  They are caring for an ailing family member. Etcetera. I'm not talking about them. Family needs come first and totally outrank Brownie hoedowns and lacrosse team bake sales. Period. But interestingly, I have learned that a whole lot of regular volunteer parents fit one or more of those descriptions, even though they totally have a free pass.)

So here's what I propose when school starts up again in August and September: If you haven't been volunteering very much, bring a pack of juice boxes to the preschool picnic, offer to pick up the class teacher gift card when you're at the grocery store or when you fill out the soccer forms for the fall, check the YES box when you get to "Will you volunteer?" 

And if you are THAT MOM who volunteers so much that the principal is considering giving you office space, here's your assignment: Climb out of your martyrdom and reach out to a nice parent who doesn't seem that involved. Give her an easy opportunity to lend a hand and make her feel welcome.

You know, in your free time.

Jessica McFadden is A Parent in Silver Spring. She started volunteering slowly and survived the transition and crippling social anxiety. She often finds plying parents with alcohol is a great way to "encourage" them to volunteer.