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Community Corner

Warning: We Are THAT Family On Your Airplane

Please make sure all tray tables are in their upright positions, and that the McFaddens are not in the cabin!

When you head to BWI this summer and you see a family with three children, four suitcases, one infant carrier, two Leapsters, two laptops, various stuffed animals, a tall dark-haired guy checking his Blackberry trying to block it all out, and a tired mid-thirties chick nursing while standing in the security line...well, that's us.

The Griswolds have some serious competition and their name is The McFaddens.

We are that family on your airplane. The ones pleading with the ticket agents to seat us together and arriving late due to a lost blankie in the parking garage, the ones with two kids alternately bickering or loudly telling knock-knock jokes, the owners of the portable DVD player blasting Return of the Jedi (nope, not Empire, Jedi) without earphones for a solid three hours.

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I apologize in advance for slapping you with that car seat or Hello Kitty backpack during boarding, and for the mental anguish caused by having to see those barf bags in the front pockets actually get used.

The spilled apple juice on your lap? Please send me the cleaning bill. And here's a BlowPop for your trouble: I've got extras in my bag of mid-flight dollar store "surprises" if you've been a good boy or girl.

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But hey, you started that game of peek-a-boo. I warned you that it wasn't a good idea in the first five minutes of a cross-country flight.

I apologize for the inconvenience of my baby's sweaty head on your armrest and the immodest imagery of my milk bag boobs as she nurses uncovered. Yes, she will do this for four solid hours, stopping only to unleash toots stinkier than a frat boy during Hell Week. You just love babies, right?

I also am very sorry because, yes, we're the ones holding up the deboarding process as we try to figure out how to unfold our stroller on the gangway. (What? We've only owned it for five years!) When you are running like mad to catch your tight connecting flight, please think of us.

However, if you're flying with your own children this and summer and we happen to be on the same flight, I hope you and your little ones sit by us. Our dollar-store prizes and DVD player are just made to be shared (hope you like Ewoks!) and we have hours of endurance for peek-a-boo. 

When she's not testing the patience of the friendly skies, Jessica writes daily at her website for fellow parents, A Parent in Silver Spring

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