White Knuckle Parenting: My Favorite Child

A while back, I was driving in my car with my three kids listening to WAMU when a story came on about parents having a favorite child. I knew exactly what was coming next, and I wasn't disappointed.

"Who's your favorite kid?" came the chipper little question from the backseat.

Cursing NPR in my head for running this story, I thought fast. "I've thought about this," I said, "and I honestly couldn't choose which one of you is my favorite. You are all so cool in such different ways that I couldn't pick a favorite if I wanted to."

I was lying, of course. I always have a favorite kid.

In my defense, my favorite, least favorite, and in-the-middle kid rotate spots regularly.

For instance, yesterday my eldest was my favorite. He was absolutely charming, full of good ideas and fun conversation. He, as he often is, was such a gentle and compassionate friend to his younger brothers that I couldn't imagine loving anyone else more. But the day before? When he was angry and uncooperative? Well, he took the bottom slot that day.

Then there is my middle child. He is lovely, cuddly, and sweet. He often gets to be my favorite, at least partly because he reminds me a lot of myself. Which means he is also sometimes stubborn, impulsive, and uncooperative—and my least favorite.

Don't get me started on my youngest son. He gets to be my favorite when he's fun and chatty and says things that amuse me, and he's my least favorite when, oh my God, would he just stop talking already?!

Usually it doesn't really matter who is my favorite at the moment, but occasionally there are those minor Sophie's Choices of parenting, like when one of the cookies falls on the floor and you have to decide which kid gets the dirty dessert.

(Last time this happened, I dusted the dog hair off the cookie and handed it to my youngest, because he had been particularly whiny that day.)

I think this is all part of the ebb and flow of parenting. I would certainly never be able to actually choose between them if it really mattered, and I would never tell one of them in seriousness that he's my most or least favorite, but I will admit it to myself on occasion.

I think it is unfair to parents to insist that we love all of our children equally 24 hours a day, or that we have to think that they're the greatest things since sliced bread all of the time. Sometimes they're not so great, and sometimes, even if we love them dearly, we don't like how they act—and sometimes they will naturally fall to the bottom of the favorite pile.

Then again, that means that at different times, they each fall into the category of favorite. I think that is a pretty cool thing for siblings to be able to share.

Jean, a.k.a. Stimey, writes a personal blog at Stimeyland; an autism-events website for Montgomery County, Maryland, at AutMont; and a column called Autism Unexpected in the Washington Times Communities. You can find her on Twitter as @Stimey.