White Knuckle Parenting: Thank You to the Mothers

Mother's Day is coming up this Sunday. If—and I know this only applies to a few of you—you have a mother or know a mother, consider this your fair warning to put a note on your calendar to say something nice to her this weekend.

If you are a mother, prepare to put your feet up and be doted on. That's how it works, right?

My family doesn't usually do a lot for Mother's Day. Generally they let me sleep in—without guilt—and I get some lovely handmade gifts, which are the best kind, in my opinion. I know that I feel like I get a wonderful Mother's Day gift every single day—and that is having the privilege to parent my three beautiful munchkins.

That said, it's not all ceramic hand prints and relaxing mornings around here. I'm betting it's not all smiles and sunshine out your way either. In light of that and the fact that the thing that mothers don't always get enough of is thanks, I have some gratitude to send your way—just in case your loved ones forget.

First, thank you for working so hard to raise your children. Every mother I know beats herself up because she thinks she is doing it wrong, she isn't good enough, or everyone else is doing it better. You should know how much your effort means to your kids. Keep striving to be the best mom you can be, but try to really understand that you are such a good mom. Thank you for taking care of your kids with love.

Thank you for teaching your kids to hold it together and be mannerly at school and at other kids' houses, even though it means that they let loose and freak out all over you when they get home.

I know you think you're speaking out loud when you ask your kids to do something, but you should know that even if they don't respond the first 52 times you ask them to pick up their shoes, you are audible and you deserve to be paid attention to. Thanks for not giving up.

Thank you for sitting with your kids while they do their homework. Thank you for putting everything you have into staying calm and helping them instead of giving in to your instinct to light the worksheets on fire. But then again, thanks for also knowing that some nights it's okay to skip the work.

Thanks for being the PTA mom who always steps up to volunteer, even if it feels like no one else ever does. And thank you also for noticing that there are other parents who are trying so hard to help in their own way, even if they are not always at the meeting or organizing international night.

Thank you for teaching your kids that everyone is different and that they should try to look beneath the surface to the person underneath. Thank you for teaching your child to be kind. Thank you for teaching your kid to stand up for herself against bullies and teasers. But thank you also for teaching her to stand up for others. 

Thank you for always taking the broken cookie so your kids don't have to. Someday you are going to get the first choice at something. I hope it is something really awesome. You deserve it.

Last of all, thank you for always putting your children first. You are wonderful for always doing that. I hope that sometimes you remember that you have to take care of yourself as well. Remember, if mama ain't right, ain't nobody right.

There are so many ways to be a mother—working mom, single mom, foster mom, custodial grandparent, stay at home mom, special needs mom, half of a two-mom family, and so many others. None of our situations are identical, but our basic drive as mothers is—we all just want the best for our children.

We all have to make choices that include so many factors, including what it best for our families emotionally, financially, and practically. On this mother's day, I hope that you feel valued for being whatever kind of mother you are and that you know that you are appreciated and loved.

You should know that no matter how you are raising your child, you are doing a tremendous thing. Raising a child who has the potential to be anything in the world is a huge responsibility. Thank you for taking it on. Thank you for working so hard at it. Happy Mother's Day.

Jean, a.k.a. Stimey, writes a personal blog at Stimeyland; an autism-events website for Montgomery County, Maryland, at AutMont; and a column called Autism Unexpected in the Washington Times Communities. You can find her on Twitter as @Stimey.