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White Knuckle Parenting: The Playlist Shuffle

My son is really starting to discover and love music. Now I just have to make sure he discovers and loves decent music.

 

I've been buying some terrible music off of iTunes recently, and it is breaking my heart. See, my oldest son, Sam, got an iPod for his birthday and let's just say that his musical tastes don't entirely coincide with my own.

This is particularly devastating considering that ever since he was born, my husband and I have been trying to brainwash him into liking decent music. I mean, I know it was just a couple of weeks ago that I wrote about not wanting to force him to have the same political views as I have, but this is music. This is important.

I mean, sure, when he was younger, we let him listen to kids' music, took him to his very first concert (The Wiggles), and even let him listen to Barney sing "I love you, you love me..." Still, to combat that, we have fed him a steady diet of rock music, jam bands, and otherwise acceptable tunes.

When Sam got his iPod, he was initially happy to let me put songs from my own music library onto it, which I took to be an opportunity to strengthen his interest in some of the bands he already liked and to introduce him to some new ones. In addition to our house standards (Bob Dylan and Phish) I added the Beastie Boys, White Stripes, De La Soul, the Clash, Johnny Cash, and Joan Jett, along with other music that I love but is probably too embarrassing to share publicly.

I followed those up with some positive "you are awesome" songs and, then, with the greatest of reluctance, I added songs that Sam loves even though they are terrible. I paid $1.29 for a Carly Rae Jepson song, for the love of God.

Sadly, there was some fantastic music that I couldn't load onto his music player. I'm not all that concerned with the little all-caps "EXPLICIT" stamped in red next to certain songs in iTunes (Pink's "F**kin' Perfect" made the cut), but even I, a parent who is not all that concerned about cursing in front of my children, had to draw the line at some subject matter ("99 Problems" did not pass muster).

It turns out that a lot of the music I like is really not all that appropriate for children.

(I remember the first time I realized that. It was several years ago and one of my very young sons was wandering around the house singing, "Riding that train...high on cocaine..." That was when it came to me that good music with a rebel element is rebellious for a reason.)

The really sad thing is that we were shortsighted enough to give Sam an iTunes card to go with his iPod, hence giving him the means to purchase his objectionably poppy songs even if I am offended by how bad they are.

Silver lining: Some of those objectionably poppy songs fit nicely into my upbeat running music playlist, allowing me to subsidize his purchases and making me feel that he's getting his money's worth from Party Rock Anthem.

I guess it is time to accept that my son's musical tastes are no longer under my control. My husband and I can play all the quality music we want, but Sam will hear music on the radio and in the company of his friends that will make my skin crawl.

All I can hope is that all my early work playing artists like Leonard Cohen while Sam played on the floor and fighting to keep Kidz Bop CDs out of the house can offset the damage currently being done by Katy Perry and Taio Cruz. I still have hope that given a few more years to mature, he will turn his back on the dark side and come back to the land of light and joy and solidly decent music.

Mostly though, I just know how powerful and soothing music can be. I'm glad that Sam is finding that. It doesn't matter all that much if I like his music as long as it is meaningful to him. I'm happy to be raising a music lover—even if I don't love his music.

Jean, a.k.a. Stimey, is a freelance writer who writes a personal blog at Stimeyland and runs an autism-events website for Montgomery County, Maryland, at AutMont. You can find her on Twitter as @Stimey and on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/Stimeyland.

Related Topics: Jean Winegardner, Music, Parenting, and White Knuckle Parenting

david plihal

4:53 pm on Tuesday, November 27, 2012

you lost Sam when you lumped the notion of "decent music" in with "Pink".

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david plihal

5:37 pm on Tuesday, November 27, 2012

actually, my wife would argue that it's unfair but thanks. If you want to start an argument, nothing beats music. I'm glad to see that in the end you're not dictating his preferences; after all, your mom thought Led Zeppelin was the devil, too. Just curious why one of your problems is 99 Problems. That misogyny thing?

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Jean Winegardner

6:24 pm on Tuesday, November 27, 2012

You're so right. Music is perhaps the great divider between generations. :)

My main issue with 99 Problems, which I love, is that I don't want him singing it in front of his friends and teachers—and his brother who repeats EVERYTHING. I'll wait until he's 15 for that.

danette

6:01 am on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Too funny :). When my twins got an MP3 player they filled it up with video game soundtracks. And Bitty went several months where he literally played "Break my Stride" over and over (and over) all day whenever he was home. Or in the car (he has it on his Nintendo DSi). For the record, he did NOT hear that one from us, it was the background music for a Thomas the Tank Engine video that someone on YouTube made and he LOVED it (and proceeded to make countless versions of his own Thomas videos with that song blasting in the background). :)

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Jean Winegardner

9:00 pm on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Oh, God forbid my kids find out they can put video game soundtracks on the player. Nightmare!

Cheryl

6:23 am on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

We have all things Beatles, Paul Simon, ans Stones for our three, sprinkled with Katy Perry, fun. (love), Mario Bros theme/level music, the theme from Benny Hill (yakerty Sax), and others that I won't even admit to agreeing to purchase. And after a while I'm singing the words to the terrible songs I lament buying. I am my mother with white woman 2012 problems. (but a bitch ain't one...)

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Jean Winegardner

9:01 pm on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

See, that's the problem. Once you listen to a song eleventy-billion times, you somehow end up perversely liking it. Quite frankly, it upsets me.

:)

Michal Schneider Powers

8:19 am on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I hear you and feel your pain. If I have to listen to that Dynamite song one more time, I might scream.

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Jean Winegardner

9:01 pm on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

WHERE DID THEY ALL HEAR THAT SONG?!

Zoomer

10:33 am on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The musical generation gap is ongoing. In my college classroom, my students are reading a book set in 1964 that is filled with many musical references. When I play those songs for them in class, it's always "The Name Game" by Shirley Ellis that nearly sends some of my younger male students running out of the room to escape.

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Jean Winegardner

9:01 pm on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I love that you play music for them. You're the best.

Even if you're driving them away. :)

Lynne Bradley

11:36 am on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

We used to just sit and occasionally listen to the "kids'" music and "our" music together. By listening together - especially to any of the "bad" themes, like misogynist lyrics - we could talk about why I didn't like those lyrics. It got so my guys would have to say to me: "Mom, you don't want to listen to this." Often, my kids had to translate the lyrics for me. But at a certain point, you have to "trust" them and hope it's a "stage." It makes you grind your teeth. The same goes for Internet sites. The best prevention is education and discussion of values.

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Jean Winegardner

9:03 pm on Wednesday, November 28, 2012

I agree. There is music that I will play on our house sound system, that I won't put on my kid's iPod because I'd rather have it happen where I can talk to him about it.

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