Parenting in Wheaton Means...

Parenting in Wheaton and Silver Spring means…

• being lulled to sleep by the sound of trucks on the Beltway and Georgia Avenue, and telling yourself they sound like waves crashing on the beach.
• you pay more for the babysitter than the tickets to see your favorite band’s show in D.C.
• making three separate grocery trips when hosting a dinner party in order to buy wine, liquor, and food.
• getting to use your native or school-learned Spanish.
• your relatives in other areas should never be told what you paid for your mid-century three bedroom home.
• the word “immersion” brings elusive French- and Spanish-language public school classrooms to mind, not swimming lessons.
• your children use chopsticks at age one; at age two can differentiate between the noodles at Pho 75 and Pho 88.
• the kids have enjoyed the benefits of free admission to the Smithsonian more than an entire charter bus of traveling 8th graders.
• you weep when entering the palatial homes of friends in Missouri and Colorado.
• preschool admissions “counselors” show you the lists of colleges whom miniature alumni have gone on to attend, and when you laugh they make pencil marks on your kid’s chart.
• your liberal-hippie-vegan-free-trade-only-product-purchasing and conservative-Evangelical-prairie-garb-wearing neighbors are both homeschooling. And you’re considering it too.
• you chat up moms at the playground like you used to pick up guys in bars.
• your seven year old son tells you he wished you worked so he could have a cute tube-top-wearing Austrian au pair like his friend Ethan. Child is immediately sent to Time Out.
• you wake from a vivid dream of your old pre-stay at home mom job and can’t figure out if it was a nightmare or a fantasy.
• you know exactly what times to avoid rush hour at your local park in order for your baby to get a chance at the bucket swings.
• when parents talk about “summer camps” they don’t mean sleep-away mountain destinations, but $500 per week daycamps.
• you have to decide between one week at the Outer Banks or Memorial Day-Labor Day pool membership when figuring out the summer extras budget.
• the stay-at-home dads are the 30-and-40-something equivalent of the cutest boys in your predominantly-female English major seminar. Just like in college, you’re too chicken to talk to them and they’re all taken (well, so are you).
• when planning playdate snacks, you don’t just ask the other mom about peanut allergies, but clear any servings of dairy, processed sugar, gluten, soy or non-organic food, then imbibe shots of tequila before they arrive.
• we have more access to great free parks, nature centers, museums and free family outing options than most other areas in the world...and it rocks!

Jessica McFadden is proud to be A Parent in Silver Spring since 2003, and she's been writing about it since 2008.